Do you ever look around you and compare your life to others?
I do. I’m always looking at photos or videos online and thinking ‘They are better parents than me….’
I’m pretty confident with the way I parent. I’d describe it as instinctual and quite gentle. I’m respectful and understanding. Sometimes I get angry and impatient. I think it’s because of the lack of sleep mixed with some feelings from when I was younger myself. Might be something I’ll one day address on my battle to better myself.
It could be that social media paints a picture of perfectness. It’s false. I know this. Everyone wants to be seen to have the perfect partner, awesome kids, the ideal family.
It’s not even that. I don’t look at Instagram and think “How I wish I was her!” I think it’s a battle I have inside myself. The constant strive to be better. The constant want to be a family unit that does family things together.
I couldn’t give a monkeys what anyone thinks of me as a person, as a parent. But, when it comes to what my kids think of me, that’s a different story.
When my kids grow up I want them to look back and think ‘My Mum was the mutts nuts!’ I would hate for them to feel like they’ve missed out on anything. I would feel so much upset if they thought ‘yeah Mum did her best but she could have been better’ That would kill me!
We are yet to go abroad. Something my 9 and 10 year old constantly go on about and yet we still haven’t been. That’s something I worry about all of the time. A part where I feel I’m failing. I gave up work because they hated After School Club and Holiday Playscheme. They’re so happy that they get to be home after school and during the school holidays and I LOVE not working and being able to focus everything on being a Mum and crafting and writing my books.
But what do you do when your children don’t want to spend time with you anymore?
I watch this video and see that this is what I want! I want me and my family to be this passionate about life and being together. I know that sometimes these things aren’t realistic but they should be. We shouldn’t have to spend our lives working in order to survive. What is the point in that? Before you know it your children have grown and you’re old. But I know that’s how this world is and it’s why my partner spends so many hours at work so that I can have this time that is so valuable to me. So much gratitude!
Yesterday I ‘forced’ them along to a ‘stupid boring fun day’ which, might I add, we thoroughly enjoyed. Here’s our proof 😀
I’ve just spent the morning getting hold of some wooden palettes and scraping seeds off strawberries and bell peppers. I told the kids that we are going to start a family project and build our own fruit and veg garden out of old wooden palettes. We can use the saw and drills and screws and we can plant the seeds in pots and use our new self-made planter for potatoes, carrots, onions, garlic. We can paint it however they like. I was getting so excited by the prospect to be greeted with “I’ll watch” from one child and “I don’t want to do that, I’d rather go out with my friends” *insert crying emoji*
PLEASE LOVE ME
What can I do? I dream of this life of simple living, going on adventures, climbing trees, country walks. Building, crafting, sewing, eating together. My children don’t have the same dreams. They dream of extravagant holidays, costly days out, technology, WIFI BLOODY WIFI “Mum can I have a hotspot!”
I feel like I’m losing but like I’m being needy and ungrateful at the same time. They’re healthy, they’re happy and they’re doing the things that they love and that they’re interested in. Everyone tells me they’re just growing up. THEY’RE ONLY 9&10!!
I’ve raised them to be like this though. I’ve raised them to be as free as they want to be. They make their own choices within reason and take risks and deal with the consequences of those risks. They don’t have to do things they don’t want to do, again within reason. They have a lot of control for their own lives and make a lot of their own choice and that’s good. I’m here whenever they need me and I’m confident that our way of parenting will create well rounded adults.
So why do I feel as though I’m suffering some kind of loss? I have a feeling I’m not on this boat alone though…