Calm cuddles or cry it out

The answers simple really. Follow your instincts. I can confidently say that every mothers natural instinct is to comfort her baby when they cry. So why is it that so many of us are ignoring this instinct? Partly to blame are the ‘health professionals’ that spool off the old fashioned “if its fed, has a clean bum and is warm then no harm leaving them to cry” I say BOLLOCKS to that advice. Others to blame are those that see a vulnerable mother at her wits end and try to encourage her by saying “well I did it with my baby and they’re fine” or “save your sanity and put them down and walk away” BOLLOCKS! Just because it seemed to work or seemed to be the solution at that time doesn’t mean that it’s okay or that other mums should be encouraged to do it with their babies. If you really didn’t expect this then maybe you didn’t realise what having a baby entailed. They are not supposed to just fit into your life. Everyone has to adjust! 

Why do we have this obsession with forcing our babies to sleep 12 solid hours when we don’t even do that ourselves?? We wake if we are thirsty, if we need the toilet, if we are hot/cold/uncomfortable. Our babies wake for all of those things. They also wake because they are vulnerable, frightened or just want to be close to the one person that they were literally part of for 9 months! 

How does a mother ignore that maternal instinct? That one that pulls at the strings in your heart every time you hear your baby cry out for you? When you pull them to your breast and they nuzzle in and they seem so grateful just to be part of you again. 

I get that actually some mothers are at the end of their tether and are desperate for some sleep and this seems like the solution but when did our own needs become more superior to that of our babies? Its in times of desperation where we are sleep deprived that we make such a decision. Some may say that yes it may be harmful to them at the time but they’ll get over it. There are many harmful things that children can overcome but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to unnecessarily inflict harm onto our children.

There are some that absolutely defend and stand by their method and shout from the rooftops “it worked! My baby is sleeping!” It didn’t work. It didn’t show your baby how to self soothe. It didn’t teach your baby to sleep. It showed your baby, when they were screaming til their sheets were drenched with tears, til their heads were sore, til their voices croaked with the strain from their calls for Mum falling on deaf ears. When you said to your baby “Mummy loves you, I am here for you but only when it’s a good time for me.” It taught them to give up. It taught them they could cry and call all they wanted but Mum would never come to give them the comfort and the closeness they so very much desired. How can you be so confident to say this does not cause them any harm? Why would you take the risk?

That’s the thing everyone seems to miss from their night time check list. Like robots free from emotions or feelings. Why is it acceptable to neglect our babies at night time? 

It’s alright, the crying stops after a few weeks. Oh that’s okay then?! 

I know it’s non of my business. I’m not here to judge. I honestly believe the parents that use this method believe they are doing their best. I have to believe that! I’m hoping someone will read this, a new mum perhaps or someone yet to become a mother or a mother at her wits end. Or even a partner or relative that becomes the mothers advisor in times of need. I’m being the voice for the babies that are never heard. 

If I can do it for 2 and a half years then so can you! It’s such a short time in the grand scheme of things. It isn’t forever. 

If anyone does read this please check out these credible links or even save them to read when you have a moment. They are good and I hope will convince you to parent gently even at night time! It’s a 24 hour job ❤️

Self Settling – What Really Happens When You Teach a Baby to Self Soothe to Sleep

The Cry it Out Debate – Is it Safe, or Not?

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